When I remembered about this country, it always reminds me of you....
From this country, God sent me 1 person to changed my whole life.....
To know how to loving, what love meant and true emotion about love......
A young teasing boy who so arrogant to show about his feeling, full of pride, but actually he just a shy guy and need a lot of attention :) He's very good man who always priority his friends needed than his own self... he loves freedom and challenge but little worried about commitment because he not ready to face the risk of love. I know actually he just need time to make his self ready for life.... to fix his self n fulfill his dreams. But I'm so proud of him because he could stay with me and strong to passing all the hard trials. He supported me unconditionally even i know its not easy for him, only his love to me could made him stay with me a little bit longer that time. I hope he knows that he is not failed about love. I wish I could say to him that I'm so proud of him for everything he did to me...
And when he said he cant be like before anymore and don't wanna feel hurt again, it doesn't mean he's not loving me true.... I knew he loves me but his happiness is not be with me.... to stay with me its the hardest thing to do, and I know he need to be happy, and that's only what i want... his happiness.. only his happiness.....
I wish I can hold him tighter,.. kiss him and say thank u for everything before he left me, but I know its impossible, and I hope he knows someday that I'm so thankful he came into my life and the way he change my whole life.
How can I forget everything even he went away..... he always live inside of me... his story will never end as long I still breathing...
Even you're not here with me anymore but u left me something inside of me that never been erase.... You always inside of me where ever i go,.. in every single breath i take, you always here... I saw ur face and feel ur love what ever i do, where ever i go and I'm not running anymore from the way God gave to me.
Everybody thought i was gone insane because sometime i talk alone, but actually i talk with God and u but I'm not realize they watching over me. I like sitting alone and look the sky and stars at night, I miss u everyday, every time... I miss every moments we have before,.. and I never feel far away from u even u not here with me. I always touch my chest and close my eyes whenever i miss u and I always feel u close to me... like i did right now. Its about what God gave to me from u... "a precious gift in my life" and when u came into my life is the most happiness ever happened in me.
I'm not realize yet this before and keep running from what i feel and everything since you changing and talk to me like a stranger. I ran from pain without you, but the actually I just hurt my self when I ran from these things.
Why i should keep running from.... Love is no need balance like i ever told before and i was so wrong.... Love is keep loving no matter what.... Love is accept something unexpected, loving in unconditionally. Love is how to show and give all the best... Loving is how the parents give the love for their children. Giving and sacrifices without expect something back.....
When we could Loving someone like this, we will never hurt our self for Love....
When we feel hurt or disappoint, we will easy to forgive....
I realized I've made a lot mistakes to loving before, and I just find the truth since we separated.... And I'm so sorry, I'm not give u all the best when we still together, I ever told u that i need our love balance, i need u loving me more but now I do realized that I was so wrong and wish God forgive me because I'm not loving u better before..... But I'm not sorry for loving u.... because its true....
I'm happy when i know you find a way to be happy, I pray since u decided away from me because I believe anything happened between us is God's plan and I believe God always know what the best for us.
I learn a lot of things since I met u...
Right now I was disagree about some quotes says "the most painful is lost someone we always love and we must forget something we cannot forget". My question is why we feel pain and why we must forget? Love is not suppose to be like that, love is not trouble... but the problem is we still expect something when we loving.... and these things made loving seems trouble. Why all parents never complain whenever their kids hurt or disappointed their heart? because parents love is true love... Why God says to us to respect them more than anything and why God says mother is noble... Because their love is representation of God's love... Loving without expecting, only sacrifice and give all the best. That's the real of true love that God wanna teach and show to us..... but unfortunately we're often too late to realize... and always think that loving is a trouble and full of painful... like i was before.... and Its totally wrong.
You ever told me that u've made my life miserable and you don't want be a reason for my separation with him... I just wanna tell u that I'm happy right now and u're not the reason i separated with him. This is my way and this is for my life....
You know that I never love someone who marry me, and I couldn't lie for the rest of my life... God knows if i still with him, i will make a lot of sins and there is no blessing from God. I knew that I'm not for him,.. and this is the best way for me and him to divorce.
This way also not excuse for me to expect anything from u, i decided this for my peace life with my angel. I just want give the rest of my time for Cuby and give all the best i can do to make her life happy and she will never feel less anything from me. She already has a father, we wouldn't replace it.
God knows there's no second if I already have the ONLY in my life... and I'm not expect anything from u...... because I realized, you not happy with me and my love just cause you pain...
I wish i could turn back time and change the way I loving u and make u always happy with me but I know its impossible. I realized that u have rights to decide ur own way to be happy. Me and Cuby just wishing ur happiness, I promise to God that I will stop my tears when I know u find ur happiness.... I just want u to be happy...... because u part of me... when u happy I will feel happy too, and when u sad and down, i also feel the same.
I always pray to God to give u happiness after all u have done to me,.. after all the things u did and all the things u gave to me. U the precious gift from God in my life.... I wish I could give u more and more for the rest of my life... but I know all its done and my presence only mess your life and i know it will hurt u more...
The only thing i can do just never stop pray for u.... always n always.....
I do love u Gary, I really do... I know everything or anything could be change, but I promise to God, to u and Cuby that I will never change......
Thank u for always pray for me and Cuby... I feel always here....
Wish God hears this prayer.... Amen
Love Always
Queenta
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