Since............ ÃwÃy

•**• ∂ DA¥ t¤ R€M£MB€R ♡ •**•

Mahal.... I know I still hurt my self like this... I know... and you know........
I lowered my self always in front of you, I swallow my own self pride, I can't pretend not loving you.... yeah cos I'm not an actress....
I really dunno how to get outta here. Yes... I let this killing me slowly... It really pained me so much when I learned to loving true and in the end everything gone bad. Before I really dunno why God made us one and fall apart but now I know everything happens for reason, and every plan of God is definitely the best for us.
I wish I can letting go easily like u did, I wish God gave me enough strength like God gave to u. "U said keep pray always" I did it every single day and time.... but I think I just not lucky yet... maybe soon...
Its been more than 3 months I guess and I saw u already ran away left me and I see my self still crawling slow.... sometime I'm sad and laughing my self suddenly, I cant believe my self like this.
You know all my background story life and when I met u all good things happened but it just for awhile and gone. I have no idea what God plan to me and us, we had extraordinary love and very bad ending. Then I feel you left me a ghost here, follow where ever I go, what ever I do.... sounds insane isn't? yeah I laughing my self now, I think everybody right.... I'm crazy.......

I dunno this is funny, silly, ironic, insane or miserably.
Everyday I ask myself why ... why do I feel this way? Why can't I stop loving you? Then it dawned on me ... you put voodoo on me! Just kidding...
But I do not regret anything we've done even just in short time. The only thing I regret is you telling me you love me because since then you have given me nothing but the cold shoulders.
We never say goodbye, feels unclear and suddenly just fade away, maybe this trapped me inside and hard to get out... sometime I ask myself how people get so easy, why I'm not.... why It hard for me... Is there anyone can teach me how to forget easily?
Every single day and time, I dance with the pain and be united in it, take risk, go with the flow and be free just to be me.....
Mahal,... I know we had been chosen separate ways.... You have build a high strong wall between us, don't worry I was too weak to climb. You told me to more closer with God and give our self and all the pain.... thank u for always reminds me, maybe your faith already in high stage, maybe you ran faster than me,..... maybe I left far from u.... but I'll never give up and keep praying, even though I crawled slowly.
I had learned a lot of things. I'm too fragile, I'm weak, maybe too weak without u, I dunno how to live without u... Maybe still but now I can laughing right away, not desperate like before. I enjoy any feelings came like seasons.. bad, worst or good! Maybe I'm changing or maybe different but only u know the real me cos I never totally open and honest with anyone. and u know it.... You know much better than anyone else about me. Its true... that's why I always considered u as my soulmate, cos we were so united.

Somebody asking to me " how can I forget u if I'm here" "I just make my self suffering here...." "I'm not suppose to be here, this is not my home" and "Why i keep running to u even I know u never there" "Why I killing my self to be here" "Why I still like this, he doesn't even want you anymore". I get used to with all those questions anyway.... and what they can do if I already decided? no matter how hard they keep try to fix me or make me chose what the best in my life. They never know.. they can't change cos someone already hold the key...
I never regret this life I chose for me, no matter how hard I'll face it... I will not runaway from this anymore. So here I am now.....

We've done our best to make our relationship last longer, but things happen and we had unspoken to say goodbye. This goodbye would not mean forgetting our memories, they are too special to forget. It does not mean forgetting the things in our past that made us both better individuals. You will always have a special place in my heart. I consider myself lucky to experience a love as wonderful as yours and to be a real woman.
And I'm sure sooner or later I will definitely stop torturing my own self like this.
Everyone needs time to heal the pieces which fall apart to be whole again. So do I. Although now there is nothing more left, I'll always pray and remember this date for the rest of my life.... May God always bless a part of this memories and the bliss date which ever happened... May God give healing from any pain, provide the peace of heart to letting go and forgiveness of all the sins. Amen

That's All She Knows.......

••• N¤ TitL€ •••

Back at night again.....
Time seems to fast, when we need it.....
I don't know suddenly I think so deep about everything.....
I feel in pain and I don't even know what I need to write here.
She......
I dunno why tonight I feel so down when look her face....
I'm in love with her... and I can't leave her... I really don't want to think about this but I cannot get rid of my worries tonight.
Why no one understand my feeling?
Why they can say easy, don't think so hard about this...
We never know what's gonna happen....
Is there anything wrong to make everything safe before storm coming?
She is my life.... she a part of me, she is my daughter.....
I'm not think about my life but this is about her...
I'm thinking what she need,...
What I must do to make everything alright...
I already think about her future, but how about her present?
They don't understand what children exactly need,.. and what i'm worried about....
I don't have anyone could talk to... even my dad or family.... no one.....
Just talk to God..but sometime its not enough... i believe God will take care of her and i know they always pray for her and wish all the best for her but she needs more than that... Why no one never think about this....
Even my dad, my sis, my cousin, her dad.... no one.....
Please God help me....
Please take away my worries and make everything better. She deserve to be happy in this life... I have no willingly to see a speck of sadness in her eyes, it breaks my heart.... and I believe you love her more than I feel.



God bless you my little Angel...

Don't give Up Against Cancer

Cancer Quotes to Inspire and Share Courage.

Cancer isn't a happy word, and a cancer inspirational quote isn't about "happy"—it's about courage and faith. A cancer inspirational quote selection like ours contains many quotes that you may have heard before, and some that you haven't.

Here are the inspirational quotes we hope speak to you:

"I feel more inspired than ever, and think that I will finally achieve what I have long been wishing for: a balance of work and privacy - a harmony." Kylie Minogue

"My cancer scare changed my life. I'm grateful for every new, healthy day I have. It has helped me prioritize my life." Olivia Newton-John


"The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart." Nikolai Lenin

"Time is shortening. But every day that I challenge this cancer and survive is a victory for me." Ingrid Bergman


"With breast cancer, nothing is straightforward. It makes sense for most people to make their dietary decisions based on what it does for heart disease. That's where the data are most strong." Walter Willet

"If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell." Lance Armstrong

"People should be afraid of the cancer, not the mammogram." Nancy Reagan

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." Winston Churchill


"If you're going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill


"When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." Barbara Bloom


"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." Eleanor Roosevelt


"An individual doesn't get cancer, a family does." Terry Tempest Williams


"The goal is to live a full, productive life even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens, whether the cancer never flares up again or whether you die, the important thing is that the days that you have had you will have lived." Gilda Radner


"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next." Mignon McLaughlin

"Early detection is key. And if I hadn't found my lump early, I don't know what would have been. I am still here and I want to encourage women to do that on a regular basis." Olivia Newton-John:


"During chemo, you're more tired than you've ever been. It's like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you're out. You don't know how you'll answer the door when your groceries are delivered. But you also find that you're stronger than you've ever been. You're clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it's instantaneous." Melissa Bank

"Cancer is not a death sentence, but rather it is a life sentence; it pushes one to live." Marcia Smith

"Getting cancer can become the beginning of living. The search for one's own being, the discovery of the life one needs to live, can be one of the strongest weapons against disease." Lawrence Leshan


"She had breast cancer. No one said she shouldn't run for governor." Jodi Rell

"Prayer is not an old woman's idle amusement. Properly understood and applied, it is the most potent instrument of action." Mahatma Gandhi

"Anger is the real destroyer of our good human qualities; an
enemy with a weapon cannot destroy these qualities, but anger
can. Anger is our real enemy". His Holiness the Dalai Lama

"Life is what happens while you're making other plans". John Lennon

"Do not underestimate the power of treating yourself to what you
yourself believe is important". Victoria Moran in 'Lit From Within'

"Hope is like a road in the country; there wasn’t ever a road, but
when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence". Lin Yutang

"Spirit is that vast stillness which is behind all created things". Paramahansa Yogananda

"Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself". St. Francis de Sales

"There is a light in this world, a healing spirit
more powerful than any darkness we may encounter.
We sometime lose sight of this force
when there is suffering, and too much pain.
Then suddenly,
the spirit will emerge
through the lives of ordinary people who hear a call
and answer in extraordinary ways".
Mother Teresa

"Many of us spend our whole lives
Running from feeling
With the mistaken belief
That you cannot bear the pain.
But you have already borne the pain.
What you have not done
Is feel all you are beyond that pain".
Kahlil Gibran

"Your work now is to find your fire and rekindle it - and then to
let it burn". Oprah Winfrey

"Mountains cannot be surmounted except by winding paths". Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer". Henry David Thoreau

"It takes courage to grow up
and turn out to be who you really are".
E. E. Cummings

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either".
Golda Meir

"Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate
in eternity". Edwin Hubbel Chapin

"Every blade of grass has an angel that bends over it and
whispers, 'Grow! Grow!'". The Talmud

"I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the
astonishing Light of your own Being". Hafiz

"We cannot control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails". Chinese Proverb

"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you". Maori Proverb

And here is my favorite quote in this section on cancer inspirational quote:

"I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish
He didn't trust me so much". Mother Teresa


Courage ... determination ... grace ... destiny ... creating our own destiny ... these and much more are all part of a cancer inspirational quote.

Note:
Don't ever lose hope when they cannot give you hope, because it's not come from human being but God.
God never had a bad character on his own people, so give positive energy between you and God.
We know reality that a lot people has failed against cancer but dont forget there are still many people can pass get through and can be cured from cancer.
There is always hope in this life if we believe in it and fight for it.

-Be happy: Just the way you are and what God already gave to you. Do not deny all the blessings God has given in your life. Be grateful everyday.
Be happy also try to make someone else happy, to make someone else happy is to be happy yourself.
I've seen a lot of children against cancer, they still can smile... we need to learn from them about this thing. Share happiness with them, not because they need but we need to share and give happiness to each other. God always near with children because they know more about faith than us. So Don't give up no matter how hard! and Don't end your fight and hope too soon.
God always near with people who believe in. May God bless all of you. Amen.


With Love
Queenta

LIFE MUST GO ON ;)

Before I believe something can last forever...
Before I believe there's nothing impossible if we try...
Before I believe there's a real happiness in this life...
Before I believe human being promised...
Before I believe not all people easy come easy go...
I believe about love which supposed...
These things could changed my life like other people has and it was...
It made me feel born again become new person.... and its true......
Then suddenly everything goes wrong.

I dunno which one right or wrong.
Something good become wrong and sometime wrong become right.
The only left..just be my self and find my own way....
Even people always change like season,...
There's nothing last forever......
Find the safe place in every ways....
Do not take risks too high for something that is not quite ready to face it.
People never compromise sometime, so do something in safe ways.... cuz everybody did!!!
Protect the heart like everybody does.... or you will be killed.

We never want to change something not supposed, but sometime situation keep forcing us to do and letting go..........
Keep all the truth just for your self, like someone said to me "no body knows but me" but that's is true....... just go with the flow.
When I think somebody is wrong, then suddenly I think they were right....
And I'll keep the truth just for my self... "NO BODY KNOWS BUT ME" :)
Something precious make me learn about this thing....... "Life Must Go On" no matter how hard life brigs you down......
We are the creator for our life... so make it better :)

Obsession, passion and desire.... "She"

GOOD MORNING AGAIN..... ;)
This is my new video, I made couple hours ago and I have the reason why I've made this.
I Like this movie.. the title is "Black Swan" tragic story about a young girl who has big obsession become a black swan queen.... her obsession made she got two personalities inside. Good girl gone wild... Her name is Nina and she is the main character, and the other one prominent character is Lily. I Like their characters.... :D I've never seen drama like this before, lot of conflicts and plot of this story end up with unpredictable resolution. Its my opinion... so better u watch this movie :)

I Learned......

First of all, I'd like to share a very nice wisdom which I've found on the internet and quote from book. It's called 'I learned..' by anonymous writer.

I learned..

I've learned...
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned...
that we born already brought the risk, "between life and die". The point is, in this life we only can minimize the risk because we can never erase it.

I've learned...
that luck is when opportunity comes in proper preparation.

I've learned...
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned...
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned...
that either you control your attitude or it controls you

I've learned...
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned...
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned...
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.

I've learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned...
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others,
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned...
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned...
that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned...
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned...
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned...
that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned...
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned...
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned...
that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned...
that we never know how strong we are until being strong is the only choice we have.

I've learned...
that successful person has a painful story. Every painful story has successful ending. So accept the pain and ready for success.

I've learned...
that success is journey, not a destination.

I've learned...
if we cannot love the person whom we see, how can we love God whom we cannot see.

I've learned...
there no problem without no solution. We just stop trying and less be patient.

I've learned...
that a big master in life is our experience....

I've learned...
that we never success without passing the failure.

I've learned...
that we are the creator for our own destiny and God is the creator for our fate.

I've learned...
"changing the face" can change nothing. But "facing the change" can change everything.

I've learned...
Life is ten percent what happen to u and 90 percent how to respond to it.



















Accept life as it is... :)

Inspirational Stories : Blind Girl

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving fiance. He is always there for her. Blind girl said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her fiance.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to the blind girl and then she can see everything, including her fiance.

Her fiance asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her fiance is blind too, and refused to marry him.

Her fiance walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to girl saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."

Moral: This is how human brain changes when the status changed. Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Never take someone for granted, Hold every person close to your Heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you have lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones. Remember this always in life :)

Yeah Better Sucking Hard Your Lollipop... LOL

Since now on I allow my little girl enjoy her Lollipop hahaha

LOVE IT !!!!

OLD SONG + SAD LYRICS BUT I ALWAYS FEEL HAPPY LISTENED THIS SONG OVER N OVER.
I LOVE THE WHISTLE :D BRIGHT MY DAY..... :D

1. PUT LOUDLY VOLUME
2. HIGH BASS BOOSTER
(HEADSET)
3. START DANCING
4. PUT SMILING ON UR FACE
5. ENJOY UR DAY

HAVE A NICE DAY EVERYONE ;)

Good Morning,.. Have a nice day

Good morning.... What a wonderful morning.....
This song is the theme for my morning here....

Enjoy! ;)

__ What I've Done __

Yesterday until today made me so tired,...
I just arrived yesterday and an accident happened. My daughter is fell down when she ran on me and she got big swollen on her forehead. I never so shock like this, I still remembered when her head hit the floor so hard n make me feel in pain too. The worst thing I did is I never panic and shock at the same time like yesterday, my hands shaking, I can't even stand up properly with my legs... I feel so weak when carry her. I can't stop crying when I've seen her forehead and her eyes got dark mark n swolen :'( I can feel her pain and Its my fault....
She ran on me when she knows I'm home... I supposed run to her.. and not make she ran on me.... I went to doctor last night and morning to hospital to scan for make sure everything alright. I still feel guilty when I saw her face today. I know its normal for kids, but I love her so much, when she feels pain, I can feel the pain too... and it's really broke my heart....
Nannny said I love my daughter too much n too deep, that's Its hard to relax when I know she's not alright... I cried whole night when she sleep, she can't sleep well because i knew her forhead and eyes still pain....I stay awake beside her, makes she feels calm when she woke up sudden and cry. Hope she will get better soon....

Another happened yesterday is when my daughter feel down, I dunno why I sent text for him right away and tells him what was happened to her.... I really dunno why I did that, I dunno where is my mind that time.... my mind feels blank. I only hold my head when I realized what I just done.... I'm so regret after I sent him text.
How can I forgot that everything is changed....
I'm deeply regret for 2 things...
1st is about my daughter and 2nd why I text him.......
I dont want he think I still bothering his life with my problem and I know the situation already changing and we were separated.
The worst thing I felt so regret is when I sent sorry because i sent text to him about her, there's no respond at all from him and this made me feel I've made a mistake again. I know I'm just nothing, Im a stanger, and I was wrong sent him text and bothering his life, his time or his schedule yesterday. He no need to treat me better but I never thought will worst than that. Oh God.... do u think I'm just rubbish for him? I think rubbish not useless, they can recycling.
I guess I deserve be treated like this, he can treated me anything he want to...
who am I anyway? I'm not even his friend,.... so why he should treat me like his friends or like other people? its alright... :)
I realize that Cuby is my responsibility only, we saperated and have different life already. All my faults, I'm not thinking before I do something.....
But at least God knows I feel so guilty and I feel sorry for what I've done yesterday.... and now I realize who exacly I am, my position and what I've to do. What ever he done to me it doesn't matter, as long he is happy.....
I also learn from what happened,.. until the only choice is being strong for another shock in this life. Someone ever told me "Life is full of surprices" specially bad surprice.... we just need to get ready whenever it happens....
Even I'm just single parent but I believe God will help me always to take care of her, no matter how hard I know I'm not alone.... and God will always protect her more than anyone.

There's lot feelings inside of me since yesterday, my head so heavy and my body getting tired... yes it's my tired day.... but Thank God, this new place gimmi little strength. I just need to close my eyes n sleep and start my day tomorrow in this country..... Welcome home... :) God bless you all.... Good night.....

I'll Go Home...........................

I'll going home..... :)
Thank God for time u gave to me... and everything.....

Back Home

Today is time to go home....
I cannot wait to take her go the place and we will stay and feel home....
We will happy together there as a family even not complete but home will make everything feels complete. I will build the best world for my daughter, I'll always stay beside her, take her goes to school this month and finish my book at home....
Time is ticking now and I need to prepare. I'll write my diary again when I'm home :)