"She"......

Beb... I know it is difficult for you, as it is for me, to be separated while. Life seems to be full of trials of this type which test our inner strength, and more importantly, our devotion and love for one another. After all, it is said that "True Love" is boundless and immeasurable and overcomes all forms of adversity. In truth, if it is genuine, it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence.

Our love has been assaulted many times, and am convinced that it is true because the longer am away from you, the greater is my yearning to be with you again. I cherish any thought of you, prize any memory of you that rises from the depths of my mind and heart.

Until that moment arrives, I send to you across the miles, my tender love and my warm embrace.

Love Always
YOURS

Come Home

Home be blessed
A shelter from the storms of Life
A place of rest,
And when each day is over
And toil put in its place
Your Home’s dear warmth
Will bring its smile
To light the saddest face!

“You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it’s all right.” Maya Angelou

“Home is not where you live but where they understand you.” Christian Morgenstern

“Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke,
or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.” Charles Dickens

“Home is the place where, when you have to go there,
They have to take you in.” Robert Frost, The Death of the Hired Man

“The light is what guides you home, the warmth is what keeps you there.” Ellie Rodriguez

“Where thou art – that – is Home.” Emily Dickinson

“There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.” Jane Austen

“Home is a shelter from storms – all sorts of storms.” William J. Bennett

“He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Home, the spot of earth supremely blest, A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest.” Robert Montgomery

***Wait to be "Home"....***

How To Save A Life

Thank u Paul. In this song u show me a lot of messages how to save a life but life isn't mine.... I just try an keep trying to make it better.... thank u for ur concern and supported me this way. Ingat Paul...! God bless u

TRULY FRIEND

Everyone of us at some point meet a special person
who fills our lives and shows us much concern

As your friend and as your guiding star
they support you and in life make you go far

Their love always sparkles in our lonely life
and they are with us sharing all our strife

You smile knowing this person is there
and for us this person truly and dearly cares

They hold us close and wipe away our tears
to our every need and wants they hear

When we are down they are the first to know
they will do anything to make our face glow

They will open our eyes to many new things
and within our soul they will make joy ring

They are special and dear to your heart
and from you they will never part

ThAnK YoU

Thank u B*** for share and gave this song for me, thank u for caring me this way as a friend.
Wish I can go back to Phil soon....

What Faith Can Do

"Impossible" is not a word It’s just a reason for someone not to try....

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Just hold on...the light will coming...

''Love Never Fails You''

This is an amazing song when u really have gone through hard times and the emptiness.
This song is so true... if u dare to believe. All depends on who u love and how u love...
This is a love was supposed to..... love never fails you......
Everything will be ok :) God can get you through anything just trust in Him :)

__ PaiN __

Pain we encounter our whole lives through in differing degrees,

Pain can plague our bodies from our head down through our knees

Way on down to feet and toes, our limbs, our every part,

Inside, outside, every place; but none worse than the heart.

Some suffer stronger, deeper pain, and some a lighter ache,

Some need strong medication, others an aspirin take.

But when the pain is caused by loss and radiates from the heart

There is no medication; nothing to stop you falling apart.

Your confidence is shaken and ur whole world caving in,

Your clouded mind can’t fathom it… ur new day can‘t begin,

The heartache travels through the mind, then on down to the soul,

Then to the eyes so sore from tears that u cannot control.

Sobbing makes ur tummy hurt, u feel the future’s bleak,

Your throat gets sore, ur tongue is tied as tears roll down your cheek.

So never walk away from one who cherished and adored

Your every move, ur every word… don’t hurt them with a word.

For one day they may not be there to show your feelings to,

They may have gone or left for other lands, to wander pastures new.

So cherish every single friend or people who u loved and never leave their side,

Hold them to your heart each day,.. for the rest of ur life.

"Does Anybody Hear Her"

I'm Just Like You

People just look at me
Look enough to stare
not noticing the inside of me
They just look at the clothes I wear
They don't know how I feel
They think I'm always glad
But there's something they don't know
I'm the one who's feeling sad
They think I always win
but really I always loose
they think my life is so great
but they couldn't stay one day in my shoes
You may think I'm strong
You may think I'm tough
but you have no idea my life is so rough
every time I'm in my room
you'll see water go down my eyes
you'll ask me what's wrong
I'll put on a fake disguise
people say that I am to good to get hurt
but I'm just like everyone else
I cry my eyes out then put on a cheese
when love came into my life
surprisingly that was something I feared
I never thought I'd be feeling like this
yes I've been in love before
yes I got hurt
you would thought she looks fine
but you are wrong about everything
I was wrong at it to
now I see love's agony
and what it can do
that's why I'm here
to throw away this stress & strife
to start all over
maybe a new life
but people over here
is the same as over there
they just look at your appearance
and the style of your hair
never to look in the inside of me
never to care
I was brought into this world
realizing life's not fair
so if you really think.......
I look too good
I dress too nice
I never get hurt
your wrong about that too
I'm just like everyone else around me.
I'm just like you.......

Life may be hard and life may be cruel, people beware,'cause your no fool.
You make hard decisions and have many fights,u make few wrongs,but u make more rights.
Life is not easy,and it's sure not fair, But hopefully it's still many precious that you have got. You have lack in your faith, and fear in ur heart, Of what's been decided,and you've no part.But u r strong people, and u make ur own path,ur worries will end, and u'll suffer no wrath. Your path is ur own,and yours alone....

Since............ ÃwÃy

•**• ∂ DA¥ t¤ R€M£MB€R ♡ •**•

Mahal.... I know I still hurt my self like this... I know... and you know........
I lowered my self always in front of you, I swallow my own self pride, I can't pretend not loving you.... yeah cos I'm not an actress....
I really dunno how to get outta here. Yes... I let this killing me slowly... It really pained me so much when I learned to loving true and in the end everything gone bad. Before I really dunno why God made us one and fall apart but now I know everything happens for reason, and every plan of God is definitely the best for us.
I wish I can letting go easily like u did, I wish God gave me enough strength like God gave to u. "U said keep pray always" I did it every single day and time.... but I think I just not lucky yet... maybe soon...
Its been more than 3 months I guess and I saw u already ran away left me and I see my self still crawling slow.... sometime I'm sad and laughing my self suddenly, I cant believe my self like this.
You know all my background story life and when I met u all good things happened but it just for awhile and gone. I have no idea what God plan to me and us, we had extraordinary love and very bad ending. Then I feel you left me a ghost here, follow where ever I go, what ever I do.... sounds insane isn't? yeah I laughing my self now, I think everybody right.... I'm crazy.......

I dunno this is funny, silly, ironic, insane or miserably.
Everyday I ask myself why ... why do I feel this way? Why can't I stop loving you? Then it dawned on me ... you put voodoo on me! Just kidding...
But I do not regret anything we've done even just in short time. The only thing I regret is you telling me you love me because since then you have given me nothing but the cold shoulders.
We never say goodbye, feels unclear and suddenly just fade away, maybe this trapped me inside and hard to get out... sometime I ask myself how people get so easy, why I'm not.... why It hard for me... Is there anyone can teach me how to forget easily?
Every single day and time, I dance with the pain and be united in it, take risk, go with the flow and be free just to be me.....
Mahal,... I know we had been chosen separate ways.... You have build a high strong wall between us, don't worry I was too weak to climb. You told me to more closer with God and give our self and all the pain.... thank u for always reminds me, maybe your faith already in high stage, maybe you ran faster than me,..... maybe I left far from u.... but I'll never give up and keep praying, even though I crawled slowly.
I had learned a lot of things. I'm too fragile, I'm weak, maybe too weak without u, I dunno how to live without u... Maybe still but now I can laughing right away, not desperate like before. I enjoy any feelings came like seasons.. bad, worst or good! Maybe I'm changing or maybe different but only u know the real me cos I never totally open and honest with anyone. and u know it.... You know much better than anyone else about me. Its true... that's why I always considered u as my soulmate, cos we were so united.

Somebody asking to me " how can I forget u if I'm here" "I just make my self suffering here...." "I'm not suppose to be here, this is not my home" and "Why i keep running to u even I know u never there" "Why I killing my self to be here" "Why I still like this, he doesn't even want you anymore". I get used to with all those questions anyway.... and what they can do if I already decided? no matter how hard they keep try to fix me or make me chose what the best in my life. They never know.. they can't change cos someone already hold the key...
I never regret this life I chose for me, no matter how hard I'll face it... I will not runaway from this anymore. So here I am now.....

We've done our best to make our relationship last longer, but things happen and we had unspoken to say goodbye. This goodbye would not mean forgetting our memories, they are too special to forget. It does not mean forgetting the things in our past that made us both better individuals. You will always have a special place in my heart. I consider myself lucky to experience a love as wonderful as yours and to be a real woman.
And I'm sure sooner or later I will definitely stop torturing my own self like this.
Everyone needs time to heal the pieces which fall apart to be whole again. So do I. Although now there is nothing more left, I'll always pray and remember this date for the rest of my life.... May God always bless a part of this memories and the bliss date which ever happened... May God give healing from any pain, provide the peace of heart to letting go and forgiveness of all the sins. Amen

That's All She Knows.......

••• N¤ TitL€ •••

Back at night again.....
Time seems to fast, when we need it.....
I don't know suddenly I think so deep about everything.....
I feel in pain and I don't even know what I need to write here.
She......
I dunno why tonight I feel so down when look her face....
I'm in love with her... and I can't leave her... I really don't want to think about this but I cannot get rid of my worries tonight.
Why no one understand my feeling?
Why they can say easy, don't think so hard about this...
We never know what's gonna happen....
Is there anything wrong to make everything safe before storm coming?
She is my life.... she a part of me, she is my daughter.....
I'm not think about my life but this is about her...
I'm thinking what she need,...
What I must do to make everything alright...
I already think about her future, but how about her present?
They don't understand what children exactly need,.. and what i'm worried about....
I don't have anyone could talk to... even my dad or family.... no one.....
Just talk to God..but sometime its not enough... i believe God will take care of her and i know they always pray for her and wish all the best for her but she needs more than that... Why no one never think about this....
Even my dad, my sis, my cousin, her dad.... no one.....
Please God help me....
Please take away my worries and make everything better. She deserve to be happy in this life... I have no willingly to see a speck of sadness in her eyes, it breaks my heart.... and I believe you love her more than I feel.



God bless you my little Angel...

Don't give Up Against Cancer

Cancer Quotes to Inspire and Share Courage.

Cancer isn't a happy word, and a cancer inspirational quote isn't about "happy"—it's about courage and faith. A cancer inspirational quote selection like ours contains many quotes that you may have heard before, and some that you haven't.

Here are the inspirational quotes we hope speak to you:

"I feel more inspired than ever, and think that I will finally achieve what I have long been wishing for: a balance of work and privacy - a harmony." Kylie Minogue

"My cancer scare changed my life. I'm grateful for every new, healthy day I have. It has helped me prioritize my life." Olivia Newton-John


"The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart." Nikolai Lenin

"Time is shortening. But every day that I challenge this cancer and survive is a victory for me." Ingrid Bergman


"With breast cancer, nothing is straightforward. It makes sense for most people to make their dietary decisions based on what it does for heart disease. That's where the data are most strong." Walter Willet

"If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell." Lance Armstrong

"People should be afraid of the cancer, not the mammogram." Nancy Reagan

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." Winston Churchill


"If you're going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill


"When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." Barbara Bloom


"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." Eleanor Roosevelt


"An individual doesn't get cancer, a family does." Terry Tempest Williams


"The goal is to live a full, productive life even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens, whether the cancer never flares up again or whether you die, the important thing is that the days that you have had you will have lived." Gilda Radner


"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next." Mignon McLaughlin

"Early detection is key. And if I hadn't found my lump early, I don't know what would have been. I am still here and I want to encourage women to do that on a regular basis." Olivia Newton-John:


"During chemo, you're more tired than you've ever been. It's like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you're out. You don't know how you'll answer the door when your groceries are delivered. But you also find that you're stronger than you've ever been. You're clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it's instantaneous." Melissa Bank

"Cancer is not a death sentence, but rather it is a life sentence; it pushes one to live." Marcia Smith

"Getting cancer can become the beginning of living. The search for one's own being, the discovery of the life one needs to live, can be one of the strongest weapons against disease." Lawrence Leshan


"She had breast cancer. No one said she shouldn't run for governor." Jodi Rell

"Prayer is not an old woman's idle amusement. Properly understood and applied, it is the most potent instrument of action." Mahatma Gandhi

"Anger is the real destroyer of our good human qualities; an
enemy with a weapon cannot destroy these qualities, but anger
can. Anger is our real enemy". His Holiness the Dalai Lama

"Life is what happens while you're making other plans". John Lennon

"Do not underestimate the power of treating yourself to what you
yourself believe is important". Victoria Moran in 'Lit From Within'

"Hope is like a road in the country; there wasn’t ever a road, but
when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence". Lin Yutang

"Spirit is that vast stillness which is behind all created things". Paramahansa Yogananda

"Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself". St. Francis de Sales

"There is a light in this world, a healing spirit
more powerful than any darkness we may encounter.
We sometime lose sight of this force
when there is suffering, and too much pain.
Then suddenly,
the spirit will emerge
through the lives of ordinary people who hear a call
and answer in extraordinary ways".
Mother Teresa

"Many of us spend our whole lives
Running from feeling
With the mistaken belief
That you cannot bear the pain.
But you have already borne the pain.
What you have not done
Is feel all you are beyond that pain".
Kahlil Gibran

"Your work now is to find your fire and rekindle it - and then to
let it burn". Oprah Winfrey

"Mountains cannot be surmounted except by winding paths". Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer". Henry David Thoreau

"It takes courage to grow up
and turn out to be who you really are".
E. E. Cummings

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart
don't know how to laugh either".
Golda Meir

"Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate
in eternity". Edwin Hubbel Chapin

"Every blade of grass has an angel that bends over it and
whispers, 'Grow! Grow!'". The Talmud

"I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the
astonishing Light of your own Being". Hafiz

"We cannot control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails". Chinese Proverb

"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you". Maori Proverb

And here is my favorite quote in this section on cancer inspirational quote:

"I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish
He didn't trust me so much". Mother Teresa


Courage ... determination ... grace ... destiny ... creating our own destiny ... these and much more are all part of a cancer inspirational quote.

Note:
Don't ever lose hope when they cannot give you hope, because it's not come from human being but God.
God never had a bad character on his own people, so give positive energy between you and God.
We know reality that a lot people has failed against cancer but dont forget there are still many people can pass get through and can be cured from cancer.
There is always hope in this life if we believe in it and fight for it.

-Be happy: Just the way you are and what God already gave to you. Do not deny all the blessings God has given in your life. Be grateful everyday.
Be happy also try to make someone else happy, to make someone else happy is to be happy yourself.
I've seen a lot of children against cancer, they still can smile... we need to learn from them about this thing. Share happiness with them, not because they need but we need to share and give happiness to each other. God always near with children because they know more about faith than us. So Don't give up no matter how hard! and Don't end your fight and hope too soon.
God always near with people who believe in. May God bless all of you. Amen.


With Love
Queenta

LIFE MUST GO ON ;)

Before I believe something can last forever...
Before I believe there's nothing impossible if we try...
Before I believe there's a real happiness in this life...
Before I believe human being promised...
Before I believe not all people easy come easy go...
I believe about love which supposed...
These things could changed my life like other people has and it was...
It made me feel born again become new person.... and its true......
Then suddenly everything goes wrong.

I dunno which one right or wrong.
Something good become wrong and sometime wrong become right.
The only left..just be my self and find my own way....
Even people always change like season,...
There's nothing last forever......
Find the safe place in every ways....
Do not take risks too high for something that is not quite ready to face it.
People never compromise sometime, so do something in safe ways.... cuz everybody did!!!
Protect the heart like everybody does.... or you will be killed.

We never want to change something not supposed, but sometime situation keep forcing us to do and letting go..........
Keep all the truth just for your self, like someone said to me "no body knows but me" but that's is true....... just go with the flow.
When I think somebody is wrong, then suddenly I think they were right....
And I'll keep the truth just for my self... "NO BODY KNOWS BUT ME" :)
Something precious make me learn about this thing....... "Life Must Go On" no matter how hard life brigs you down......
We are the creator for our life... so make it better :)

Obsession, passion and desire.... "She"

GOOD MORNING AGAIN..... ;)
This is my new video, I made couple hours ago and I have the reason why I've made this.
I Like this movie.. the title is "Black Swan" tragic story about a young girl who has big obsession become a black swan queen.... her obsession made she got two personalities inside. Good girl gone wild... Her name is Nina and she is the main character, and the other one prominent character is Lily. I Like their characters.... :D I've never seen drama like this before, lot of conflicts and plot of this story end up with unpredictable resolution. Its my opinion... so better u watch this movie :)

I Learned......

First of all, I'd like to share a very nice wisdom which I've found on the internet and quote from book. It's called 'I learned..' by anonymous writer.

I learned..

I've learned...
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned...
that we born already brought the risk, "between life and die". The point is, in this life we only can minimize the risk because we can never erase it.

I've learned...
that luck is when opportunity comes in proper preparation.

I've learned...
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned...
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned...
that either you control your attitude or it controls you

I've learned...
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned...
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned...
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.

I've learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned...
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others,
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned...
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned...
that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned...
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned...
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned...
that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned...
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned...
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned...
that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned...
that we never know how strong we are until being strong is the only choice we have.

I've learned...
that successful person has a painful story. Every painful story has successful ending. So accept the pain and ready for success.

I've learned...
that success is journey, not a destination.

I've learned...
if we cannot love the person whom we see, how can we love God whom we cannot see.

I've learned...
there no problem without no solution. We just stop trying and less be patient.

I've learned...
that a big master in life is our experience....

I've learned...
that we never success without passing the failure.

I've learned...
that we are the creator for our own destiny and God is the creator for our fate.

I've learned...
"changing the face" can change nothing. But "facing the change" can change everything.

I've learned...
Life is ten percent what happen to u and 90 percent how to respond to it.



















Accept life as it is... :)

Inspirational Stories : Blind Girl

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving fiance. He is always there for her. Blind girl said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her fiance.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to the blind girl and then she can see everything, including her fiance.

Her fiance asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her fiance is blind too, and refused to marry him.

Her fiance walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to girl saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."

Moral: This is how human brain changes when the status changed. Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Never take someone for granted, Hold every person close to your Heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you have lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones. Remember this always in life :)

Yeah Better Sucking Hard Your Lollipop... LOL

Since now on I allow my little girl enjoy her Lollipop hahaha

LOVE IT !!!!

OLD SONG + SAD LYRICS BUT I ALWAYS FEEL HAPPY LISTENED THIS SONG OVER N OVER.
I LOVE THE WHISTLE :D BRIGHT MY DAY..... :D

1. PUT LOUDLY VOLUME
2. HIGH BASS BOOSTER
(HEADSET)
3. START DANCING
4. PUT SMILING ON UR FACE
5. ENJOY UR DAY

HAVE A NICE DAY EVERYONE ;)

Good Morning,.. Have a nice day

Good morning.... What a wonderful morning.....
This song is the theme for my morning here....

Enjoy! ;)

__ What I've Done __

Yesterday until today made me so tired,...
I just arrived yesterday and an accident happened. My daughter is fell down when she ran on me and she got big swollen on her forehead. I never so shock like this, I still remembered when her head hit the floor so hard n make me feel in pain too. The worst thing I did is I never panic and shock at the same time like yesterday, my hands shaking, I can't even stand up properly with my legs... I feel so weak when carry her. I can't stop crying when I've seen her forehead and her eyes got dark mark n swolen :'( I can feel her pain and Its my fault....
She ran on me when she knows I'm home... I supposed run to her.. and not make she ran on me.... I went to doctor last night and morning to hospital to scan for make sure everything alright. I still feel guilty when I saw her face today. I know its normal for kids, but I love her so much, when she feels pain, I can feel the pain too... and it's really broke my heart....
Nannny said I love my daughter too much n too deep, that's Its hard to relax when I know she's not alright... I cried whole night when she sleep, she can't sleep well because i knew her forhead and eyes still pain....I stay awake beside her, makes she feels calm when she woke up sudden and cry. Hope she will get better soon....

Another happened yesterday is when my daughter feel down, I dunno why I sent text for him right away and tells him what was happened to her.... I really dunno why I did that, I dunno where is my mind that time.... my mind feels blank. I only hold my head when I realized what I just done.... I'm so regret after I sent him text.
How can I forgot that everything is changed....
I'm deeply regret for 2 things...
1st is about my daughter and 2nd why I text him.......
I dont want he think I still bothering his life with my problem and I know the situation already changing and we were separated.
The worst thing I felt so regret is when I sent sorry because i sent text to him about her, there's no respond at all from him and this made me feel I've made a mistake again. I know I'm just nothing, Im a stanger, and I was wrong sent him text and bothering his life, his time or his schedule yesterday. He no need to treat me better but I never thought will worst than that. Oh God.... do u think I'm just rubbish for him? I think rubbish not useless, they can recycling.
I guess I deserve be treated like this, he can treated me anything he want to...
who am I anyway? I'm not even his friend,.... so why he should treat me like his friends or like other people? its alright... :)
I realize that Cuby is my responsibility only, we saperated and have different life already. All my faults, I'm not thinking before I do something.....
But at least God knows I feel so guilty and I feel sorry for what I've done yesterday.... and now I realize who exacly I am, my position and what I've to do. What ever he done to me it doesn't matter, as long he is happy.....
I also learn from what happened,.. until the only choice is being strong for another shock in this life. Someone ever told me "Life is full of surprices" specially bad surprice.... we just need to get ready whenever it happens....
Even I'm just single parent but I believe God will help me always to take care of her, no matter how hard I know I'm not alone.... and God will always protect her more than anyone.

There's lot feelings inside of me since yesterday, my head so heavy and my body getting tired... yes it's my tired day.... but Thank God, this new place gimmi little strength. I just need to close my eyes n sleep and start my day tomorrow in this country..... Welcome home... :) God bless you all.... Good night.....

I'll Go Home...........................

I'll going home..... :)
Thank God for time u gave to me... and everything.....

Back Home

Today is time to go home....
I cannot wait to take her go the place and we will stay and feel home....
We will happy together there as a family even not complete but home will make everything feels complete. I will build the best world for my daughter, I'll always stay beside her, take her goes to school this month and finish my book at home....
Time is ticking now and I need to prepare. I'll write my diary again when I'm home :)

Here is my love memories.... :)

When I heard this song always reminds me of the one was so true.
____ It's "OUR SONG" ____

ONLY GOD KNOWS HOW I MISS U SO.......

Wonderful song......

This song always tears me up inside, deeply meaning isn't?
In loving memory.....
is not reminds something's gone but something which always live in our heart.
When reality comes unexpected and there's nothing we can do.....
It's so hard to letting go something which so meaningful in our life.
The one thing which cannot replace.... always live in our heart.
Only tears are representation from our heart when we can't say any words.
Tears are the deepest feeling of soul which cannot be describe by any languages.
But this is life....
Anything will be gone and everything will changing.....
This Life is not ours.... we will never be able to control everything that happens
We just try our self to accept and keep move on....
And let everything eternally in loving memory for the rest of our life.

I Miss You

Right now, I really don't know how to describe how much i miss u, I have no idea what i have to do.


Sometimes I just spend my night time sitting at balcony and talk with God and u at the same time... "Do u miss me too?" Do u ever think of me how much i miss u here?" I don't know how to answer my heart questions but no matter what he do there, he think of me or not or he miss me or not or even he doesn't love me anymore, its not really matter as long he is happy there.
You know what I miss about him right now? I miss he laying his head on my thigh and i caress his hair, i miss he being spoiled with me, I miss he shy when i teasing him.... Actually I miss all about him but I just cant do anything here... I can't even talk to him, we have no communicate. I'm just a stranger right now and there's nothing I can do unless let he away with his own way. How I can make he stay if he doesn't want to.... how can I make he stay if I know he's not happy with me.... How can I beg him if I know my presence just make he feels hurt and make his life miserable. I wish i could hold his hands and say "please don't change" "please don't let this end" i wanna stay with him forever even destiny can't make me and him together. But I know its not fair.... it seems like I stop his way to be happy and its really not fair and selfish.
He still has a chance to change his life,.... and he still has strength to keep move on... He still has future..... I just want he get what he deserve in his life. All the best.....

He's too tired with me... With my self and with my problem life.... and I know that... Its too hard...
That's why I just let him go... because he deserve better than stay with me....
I know his happiness is not here with me, but I believe God will give to him... I believe soon or someday his prayer and my prayer will be come true because God is amazing... he always hears all prayer. Its all about the time....

Two important in my life just wish my love one and my daughter find their happiness,... their happiness is my happiness also....
Right now I only can stay beside my daughter but only my prayer will stay and follow him where ever he goes....


But how can I stop my self to not miss u here.... I can't...
I miss u every day, every time...
U had been changed my life and even u not with me,.. u always be part of life that u gave to me..... U've made feel in love for 1st time in my life, U change me... My daily use to be with u... when i open my eyes until i close my my eyes, u always with me.... I dependent with u and u know how much i need u in my life.......
I know u already gone and u will never come back but.... I really miss u, I do miss u... I miss u so bad.... I wish i can say to u how much i miss u... but i know its useless and only make u feel uncomfortable with this and all i can do just pray and pray for u. Sometime can help but sometime cannot.
I just make my self keep busy and tired everyday... busy with cuby, and handle things until i feel so tired then doctor can make me sleeping well in sick room. But I'm happy Cuby always cheers me up, I'm happy she is with me... I really can't imagine how hard if she's not here but the hardest time is late at night when she go to bed :( feel more deeply miss him :(
I start writing again as usual.... I've plan to make a book and I hope this year I can finish my writing. I really don't know about my future, Its already gone long time ago. But I still have one last hope.... I just wanna accompany my daughter as long as God give me time,.. she need love, she was a child who less affection from her parents,.. I just wanna give all the best as a mother. So as a child, she will never feel less anything when she grow up someday.
This is the only last thing I have to do, to be a good mother for her and give all the best for her.... I really hope someday she can share all the kindness to people and her world and I'm sure she will,.. because she is my daughter.... :) She also has a good father who love to share the kindness with people.... I believe someday she will be a good girl....



Right now I was at balcony busy with my laptop but I'm not alone,.. because my coffee and cigarettes always accompany me :D, exactly seems like this picture :D
The expression and the way this woman busy bite the cigarette just look same.... maybe if i show this picture with him he will agree with me.... He often said sometime I look like an old man... yea when he said that i was laughing :D I think he was right.... before I met him, maybe I'm not a woman (maybe :D) Actually he doesn't like my bad habit like i did now, smoking a lot, drink coffee often, less sleep and stay outside the room (balcony) late at night, but I think he will allow me do this right now (I guess). Oh God I really miss him until I cant cry anymore, and I talk alone here....... i know it sounds silly but I just need to speak out here... I need to release even just a little :(

U know.... Every night I spend my time just like this, writing my blog, writing for book, until morning.... but if I'm sick I think God wants me break for awhile.....
I think this time i wrote long letter on my blog.... wew hope the readers not get headache sudden but If u get headache now so better u stop reading this for now on because i still wanna write more :)



By the way.....
I wanna ask u something.... which one better... do u wanna be your self even sometimes look stupid or being something else which look good and perfect but actually u just pretending....
yea.. I think its depend on the place and time we be our self or pretending.
Maybe I'm too tired to pretending out there, try to show the cover of package look so nice... but no body knows what exactly inside. Do u ever feel tired with this? pretending like a doll....
I think people has reasons why they choose to not being their self until sometimes they also forgot how to honest with their self.... its like a habit....
But I have my own way about this..... Maybe I already tired with all happened in my life so I make a deal with my self between honest and dishonest.
I will put dishonest in my mind but Honest in my heart.
I'll explain u this.....
In this life we stay in two different places, there are home and outside home.
Home is picture of our self and family. and outside is environment; office, mall, etc
We cannot put full honest when we meet out client or anyone out there, and my mind is the place we can dishonest to them. Pretending...and try to show the fake package as best we can.
And when I'm home is the place of my heart to rest from dishonest. My heart is the place which I cannot lie and when I force to do... I just make my self suffering, so what for?
I feel no home if i do that... i also don't wanna lose my own self.
My heart is my home, my heart also the place when I close to God....
And I'm not perfect, i have lot of lacks and I accept the way who I'm. Be my self in my own home... and when I writing, I write from my heart... that I always miss someone even he doesn't love me anymore or I always loving someone who doesn't need me anymore. I feel free with my honest even I can't do anything.... but at least I'm honest with my self that I always in love with him, no matter he forgot me already.
I have no pain, not even angry.... I just love him so much, that's all I have.
Since I learn I have no worry or scare about my heart or my feeling when reminds me of him, I can listen song "I dont wanna miss a thing", I often watching his video or his picture when ever i miss him even I know we're not together again, even I know everything changing, even I know we already separated.... but this is who I'm.... I'm not changing, this is about my heart that I always love him. I don't care anyone say how stupid this girl.... but I'm free with my self..... to be honest with my self, with my heart and with God.....

Running from honest is the worst thing i ever do.... there's no home, lost, emptiness and desperate. I learn from all until I found my way to be free....
And I'm so happy God guide me.... and I hope he find his happiness too....
May God always bless him.... and his family.......
They were always be part of me and my life........
I already put them deep inside my heart, how can I forgot them.... :)
God bless all of you.....


With Love
Queenta

Precious Gift From God

This is all about You ....


When I remembered about this country, it always reminds me of you....
From this country, God sent me 1 person to changed my whole life.....
To know how to loving, what love meant and true emotion about love......
A young teasing boy who so arrogant to show about his feeling, full of pride, but actually he just a shy guy and need a lot of attention :) He's very good man who always priority his friends needed than his own self... he loves freedom and challenge but little worried about commitment because he not ready to face the risk of love. I know actually he just need time to make his self ready for life.... to fix his self n fulfill his dreams. But I'm so proud of him because he could stay with me and strong to passing all the hard trials. He supported me unconditionally even i know its not easy for him, only his love to me could made him stay with me a little bit longer that time. I hope he knows that he is not failed about love. I wish I could say to him that I'm so proud of him for everything he did to me...
And when he said he cant be like before anymore and don't wanna feel hurt again, it doesn't mean he's not loving me true.... I knew he loves me but his happiness is not be with me.... to stay with me its the hardest thing to do, and I know he need to be happy, and that's only what i want... his happiness.. only his happiness.....
I wish I can hold him tighter,.. kiss him and say thank u for everything before he left me, but I know its impossible, and I hope he knows someday that I'm so thankful he came into my life and the way he change my whole life.
How can I forget everything even he went away..... he always live inside of me... his story will never end as long I still breathing...

Even you're not here with me anymore but u left me something inside of me that never been erase.... You always inside of me where ever i go,.. in every single breath i take, you always here... I saw ur face and feel ur love what ever i do, where ever i go and I'm not running anymore from the way God gave to me.
Everybody thought i was gone insane because sometime i talk alone, but actually i talk with God and u but I'm not realize they watching over me. I like sitting alone and look the sky and stars at night, I miss u everyday, every time... I miss every moments we have before,.. and I never feel far away from u even u not here with me. I always touch my chest and close my eyes whenever i miss u and I always feel u close to me... like i did right now. Its about what God gave to me from u... "a precious gift in my life" and when u came into my life is the most happiness ever happened in me.


I'm not realize yet this before and keep running from what i feel and everything since you changing and talk to me like a stranger. I ran from pain without you, but the actually I just hurt my self when I ran from these things.
Why i should keep running from.... Love is no need balance like i ever told before and i was so wrong.... Love is keep loving no matter what.... Love is accept something unexpected, loving in unconditionally. Love is how to show and give all the best... Loving is how the parents give the love for their children. Giving and sacrifices without expect something back.....

When we could Loving someone like this, we will never hurt our self for Love....
When we feel hurt or disappoint, we will easy to forgive....
I realized I've made a lot mistakes to loving before, and I just find the truth since we separated.... And I'm so sorry, I'm not give u all the best when we still together, I ever told u that i need our love balance, i need u loving me more but now I do realized that I was so wrong and wish God forgive me because I'm not loving u better before..... But I'm not sorry for loving u.... because its true....

I'm happy when i know you find a way to be happy, I pray since u decided away from me because I believe anything happened between us is God's plan and I believe God always know what the best for us.
I learn a lot of things since I met u...
Right now I was disagree about some quotes says "the most painful is lost someone we always love and we must forget something we cannot forget". My question is why we feel pain and why we must forget? Love is not suppose to be like that, love is not trouble... but the problem is we still expect something when we loving.... and these things made loving seems trouble. Why all parents never complain whenever their kids hurt or disappointed their heart? because parents love is true love... Why God says to us to respect them more than anything and why God says mother is noble... Because their love is representation of God's love... Loving without expecting, only sacrifice and give all the best. That's the real of true love that God wanna teach and show to us..... but unfortunately we're often too late to realize... and always think that loving is a trouble and full of painful... like i was before.... and Its totally wrong.

You ever told me that u've made my life miserable and you don't want be a reason for my separation with him... I just wanna tell u that I'm happy right now and u're not the reason i separated with him. This is my way and this is for my life....
You know that I never love someone who marry me, and I couldn't lie for the rest of my life... God knows if i still with him, i will make a lot of sins and there is no blessing from God. I knew that I'm not for him,.. and this is the best way for me and him to divorce.
This way also not excuse for me to expect anything from u, i decided this for my peace life with my angel. I just want give the rest of my time for Cuby and give all the best i can do to make her life happy and she will never feel less anything from me. She already has a father, we wouldn't replace it.
God knows there's no second if I already have the ONLY in my life... and I'm not expect anything from u...... because I realized, you not happy with me and my love just cause you pain...
I wish i could turn back time and change the way I loving u and make u always happy with me but I know its impossible. I realized that u have rights to decide ur own way to be happy. Me and Cuby just wishing ur happiness, I promise to God that I will stop my tears when I know u find ur happiness.... I just want u to be happy...... because u part of me... when u happy I will feel happy too, and when u sad and down, i also feel the same.
I always pray to God to give u happiness after all u have done to me,.. after all the things u did and all the things u gave to me. U the precious gift from God in my life.... I wish I could give u more and more for the rest of my life... but I know all its done and my presence only mess your life and i know it will hurt u more...
The only thing i can do just never stop pray for u.... always n always.....

I do love u Gary, I really do... I know everything or anything could be change, but I promise to God, to u and Cuby that I will never change......
Thank u for always pray for me and Cuby... I feel always here....
Wish God hears this prayer.... Amen





Love Always
Queenta

Loving is beautiful....... Love will help us to find the truth of happiness.

Child is like an angel.... from them we learn how to love n feel to be loved.
God bless them... Amen

The Power of Love is from God's Love

Maybe I have no words to say anymore, how a stranger could say a words to u? but....... God knows.... I always pray for u there, may God always take care of u n bless u where ever u are... I wish u happy there without me anymore.... its the only thing that i wish for u....
You always the biggest part of me n my cuby.... where ever we go, where ever you go, no matter how far... in every prayer there's no limit on distance,place n time....
Prayer is immortality.

And next month she will starts goes to school, i mean play group school in new place, new life n new environment... I never realized she grows so fast.... she really gave me lot of strength to stay alive n face this life. I feel so blessed she is with me... Child's love is like stay in heaven.... I'm so happy n so thankful for every God's love in my life....
Even this life isn't mine but i would give n build a better world n life for her...
u know i would.....
Everytime she look at me, hold my hands, hugging me, crying n call my name.. i feel like real mother... and its the most happiness a mother's feeling.... feel needed by our child. I hope God knows and give me more time to be with her until she grow n can stand by her own... I do love her like i love u.... i love her more than my life n everything i have. God knows.. i would give her anything... a better life.. more than i have, all that i can give... I believe God will never take something if it still be needed until all done.
Please... dont forget to coming in her wedding if she invite u... i know its still long but pls dont let her down when she needs u someday... but im not force u to do this, only as long as u can. i wish u always love her like i love u both...
Take care always there...

Love always
Queenta

___US___

I remembered someone ever showed me this song when i was so down....
Actually i know this song long time ago...
There's no happiness in this life without pass God's ways....

••• HUMAN •••

Human...
Kenapa sering kali kita lupa bahwa kita adalah manusia. Sadarkah kita bahwa kita bukan siapa2... Keangkuhan diri, membuat kita sering lupa akan banyak hal.... Lalu apa yg tersisa dari kebaikanmu sebagai manusia? Seharusnya kita mampu melakukan byk hal dlm kebaikan tapi terkadang kt terlalu sombong. Setetes kebaikan sering kali dianggap cukup sehinnga kita mrs ckp pantas mjd manusia. 27 thn aku hdp sbg manusia tp aku tidak prnh merasa menjumpai kaumku, aku sdri bhkn tdk yakin apakah aku msh pantas mjd manusia atau tlh hilang brsm mereka. Inikah manusia2mu Tuhanku... Siapakah aku? Siapakah mereka? Masih adakah ketulusan? Kejujuran? kemurnian hati? Bukankah kita adalah makhluk yg sempurna diantara makhluk lainnya,apakah kita sebagai manusia ckp beradab? Lalu mengapa manusia sering kali memakan manusia lainnya untuk mempertahankan hidupnya. Kenapa manusia harus memilih untuk menyakiti manusia lainya daripada berkorban untuk manusia lainnya. Tuhanku... Aku tidak ingin menjadi manusia seperi itu, tetapi aku justru dijadikan makanan empuk untuk mereka. Aku memang lemah tapi aku ingin beradap. Aku ingin kedamaian aku ingin kejujuran hatiku. Bukankankah kau berikan kedudukan kami sebagai makhluk sempurna karena kami memiliki akal dan nurani.
Aku tidak pernah menemukan apa yg aku cari selama ini, sampai aku berada pada titik ini. Dan aku telah menemukan jalanku... Adalah rumahmu. Dimana aku menemukan sgala yg aku butuhkan... Tidak ada satupun manusia yang mampu memberikannya untukku selama 27 tahun aku mencari... Saat ini adalah saat terindah dalam hidupku, aku memiliki rumah dalam hatiku dan malaikat kecil disampingku. Siapapun bisa meninggalkanku, menyakitiku atau bahkan membunuhku tapi tidak dengan cinta Tuhan pada umatnya. Thank u God... For all your love. I believe u will save us, protect us n never leave us....
God bless all of us... Amen

Song For My Angel.................

I Love You My Little Angel, Mom Loves you always

We'll always together sweetheart....
We are not alone.... God always with us and bless you always,...
Mommy loves u always.....

When our hearts one, you'll see.. .me....

__Pain__

I wont run from you
I wont scare to feel u
You existed
You created me
You're part in it
Yes you always will

I feel u
Dance with you
United to u
Relieving me

YOU'RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE......

There's nothing i could say to u when u talked to me like a stranger.
i know i ever told u to lessen our intense n stay communicated by email, n i told u the reason why... but i never thought u treated me like this way.
Maybe u angry with me, Maybe i hurt u cos of this, or maybe u just want to go away from me n forget me... n i have no idea why u changed without tell me the reason why.... It really shocked me......
But what ever ur reason babe, i just hope u can forgive me if this is the way u feel babe before u end this.... i hope u forgive me even u don't wanna talk to me anymore, i hope u forgive me all my sins to u before u forget me. In the name of God i really don't wanna or mean to hurt u bcs u part of me. But I'm just a human full of lacks n i hope u can forgive me before u leave me....

1st time when i knew u so different i felt so down for couple days but then i realized why i should sad if this way make u happy, why i should so down when i saw u strong enough without me and why i should cry when i know u don't need me anymore.
Then i ask my self do i really love u? "yes i really do"
I suppose happy when u found ur way to be happy without me.... then i stop my self to cry for ur changing even i still cry when i remember everything about u n us, all i can do just hug Cuby.... cos she part of us... and i know u deserve to be happy after all that happened..... u have rights to change n find ur own way to move on....
But i still believe in God, that u never far away from me.... thats only i've got to keep holding on with u babe.....

I just need ur forgiveness before u end this babe. I wont ask u more to do,.. i only beg u to give me last peace before u leave me babe, pls forgive me.......
I'll always pray for u n i believe our soul will meet in front of God in every prayers.
I never feel far away from ur soul whenever i stay kneel in front of God, u always inside of me babe, nothing will change in me, n i believe our love we have is part of God loves.
You're the love of my life..... n i'll always keep this love until i meet God someday.

Babe... i really need to talk n hug u before u leave me.... but i know u wouldn't come.....
Thats why i wrote this letter for u......
Thank u for everything u've given to me...
U guide me to God
U teach me how to smile
U show me life is so beautiful
U made me feel so alive
U made me feel like a woman
U made me feel the real happiness
U made me feel beautiful
U made me feel the real love
U stay loving me in any condition
U accept my lack as a woman
U always made me forgot that i'm sick
U always make me smile when i get upset
U made lot miracles in my life
U made me so completely
And for all these, im so thankful to God that I found my happiness n my soul mate already in u. and its more than enough for me than nothing... i feel so lucky babe n i never end this even i have to lie with everyone... i just cant lie with my heart n what i feel to u.....
I'll never forget u babe, never..... u always inside of me n there's nothing change in me.
I'll always miss u in every single breath i take...
And I'll keep waiting last miracle... i'll be waiting... even lifetime........
God will bless everything u've given to me,.. God bless ur every dreams,.. God bless ur every step.... God bless ur every prayer....
I believe God will take care of u alwys what ever u do n where ever u are baby.
In every prayer i'll always hold ur hands n hug u so tight, cos this only way to make me feel u so close to me....
I'll missing u n loving u as my real husband, u already have the whole inside I am, n i never regret that..... U always inside of me... always.....


With Love
Queenta

Before you leave me............

When we know that we have to lose something
Try to remember about we've been through
Wishing that we'll make it
And it will be ended

It's all about it's killing me
And it will always be a part of this life
When we know will be ended
It's all about it's killing me
And it will always be a part of this life
But let this reminds our memories

Our hearts stop beating
Our minds stop thinking
I've wasted more time dreaming
When it all comes crashing
'Cause we will never made it

how can we save it
This is not the end
We did everything together
This is what always remind me
Don't let everything go through just like that
Or just let the time end it

This is a letter about the last
And we don't want
Any regret about our mistake

We've tried our best
And we'll keep doing our best
We've already started it
And we're gonna finish it 'til the end
With all any reasons, I couldn't say
That will be last..
Will be last...

Julia Sheer ft. Kevin Littlefield - "Far away" - Music Video - Dear John...

I........... MISS..........YOU...........
IN EVERY PRAYER I CALL U,... I FEEL U.... I BREATH U......
I HOPE U CAN HEAR ME.....................
I.....MISS........YOU.......SO......
I.....NEED........YOU.........
......ALWAYS........
I'LL SEE U AGAIN IN PRAYER BABE..... I WAIT U THERE.......
I ALWAYS WAITING U THERE..........

avril lavigne slipped away live

i always be same person as u know, n i wont change. cos i cant live a lie no matter how hard to face the truth..... this is me.... n always be me..
i know sometimes we cant control this life and somehow people changing for finding out what make ourself strong. but only one thing which make life cant control us... there is a strong faith inside our soul.
Baby, u never be a stranger for me... u always be part of me, my life n soul... n i never change for u no matter we live in separate ways or life...
there's no past between u n me....

less than six months feels like years we had been together.... from those moments, it will always be the most my happiness time in my life, i wont forget that.
and if u wont be the same anymore i think u have rights to make ur self changing, u deserve to have ur own life much better. cos might ur duty its done to stay with me ... if right now u happy n already found ur way, i will happy for u babe....
I believe someday God will make ur dreams come true.... n u will thankful for all trials u've been trough. thank u for everything baby... may God bless u always, im happy see u strong enough now... Gud luck n survivors struggle... God be with u baby... always....
I'll see u again in prayer... love u always

God bless people who i rely loved n who loves me true in this life.... Pls love n take care of them.

Nothing else matters - Lucie Silvas (lyrics)

Even life crashing down... Everything might be changed but there's no changing for loving true. "this became my own way to keep hold on it" there's nothing else matter

Beyoncé BHG Official Video HQ 2009

Kelly Clarkson- Because Of You (Lyrics.)