__ What I've Done __

Yesterday until today made me so tired,...
I just arrived yesterday and an accident happened. My daughter is fell down when she ran on me and she got big swollen on her forehead. I never so shock like this, I still remembered when her head hit the floor so hard n make me feel in pain too. The worst thing I did is I never panic and shock at the same time like yesterday, my hands shaking, I can't even stand up properly with my legs... I feel so weak when carry her. I can't stop crying when I've seen her forehead and her eyes got dark mark n swolen :'( I can feel her pain and Its my fault....
She ran on me when she knows I'm home... I supposed run to her.. and not make she ran on me.... I went to doctor last night and morning to hospital to scan for make sure everything alright. I still feel guilty when I saw her face today. I know its normal for kids, but I love her so much, when she feels pain, I can feel the pain too... and it's really broke my heart....
Nannny said I love my daughter too much n too deep, that's Its hard to relax when I know she's not alright... I cried whole night when she sleep, she can't sleep well because i knew her forhead and eyes still pain....I stay awake beside her, makes she feels calm when she woke up sudden and cry. Hope she will get better soon....

Another happened yesterday is when my daughter feel down, I dunno why I sent text for him right away and tells him what was happened to her.... I really dunno why I did that, I dunno where is my mind that time.... my mind feels blank. I only hold my head when I realized what I just done.... I'm so regret after I sent him text.
How can I forgot that everything is changed....
I'm deeply regret for 2 things...
1st is about my daughter and 2nd why I text him.......
I dont want he think I still bothering his life with my problem and I know the situation already changing and we were separated.
The worst thing I felt so regret is when I sent sorry because i sent text to him about her, there's no respond at all from him and this made me feel I've made a mistake again. I know I'm just nothing, Im a stanger, and I was wrong sent him text and bothering his life, his time or his schedule yesterday. He no need to treat me better but I never thought will worst than that. Oh God.... do u think I'm just rubbish for him? I think rubbish not useless, they can recycling.
I guess I deserve be treated like this, he can treated me anything he want to...
who am I anyway? I'm not even his friend,.... so why he should treat me like his friends or like other people? its alright... :)
I realize that Cuby is my responsibility only, we saperated and have different life already. All my faults, I'm not thinking before I do something.....
But at least God knows I feel so guilty and I feel sorry for what I've done yesterday.... and now I realize who exacly I am, my position and what I've to do. What ever he done to me it doesn't matter, as long he is happy.....
I also learn from what happened,.. until the only choice is being strong for another shock in this life. Someone ever told me "Life is full of surprices" specially bad surprice.... we just need to get ready whenever it happens....
Even I'm just single parent but I believe God will help me always to take care of her, no matter how hard I know I'm not alone.... and God will always protect her more than anyone.

There's lot feelings inside of me since yesterday, my head so heavy and my body getting tired... yes it's my tired day.... but Thank God, this new place gimmi little strength. I just need to close my eyes n sleep and start my day tomorrow in this country..... Welcome home... :) God bless you all.... Good night.....