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Mahal.... I know I still hurt my self like this... I know... and you know........
I lowered my self always in front of you, I swallow my own self pride, I can't pretend not loving you.... yeah cos I'm not an actress....
I really dunno how to get outta here. Yes... I let this killing me slowly... It really pained me so much when I learned to loving true and in the end everything gone bad. Before I really dunno why God made us one and fall apart but now I know everything happens for reason, and every plan of God is definitely the best for us.
I wish I can letting go easily like u did, I wish God gave me enough strength like God gave to u. "U said keep pray always" I did it every single day and time.... but I think I just not lucky yet... maybe soon...
Its been more than 3 months I guess and I saw u already ran away left me and I see my self still crawling slow.... sometime I'm sad and laughing my self suddenly, I cant believe my self like this.
You know all my background story life and when I met u all good things happened but it just for awhile and gone. I have no idea what God plan to me and us, we had extraordinary love and very bad ending. Then I feel you left me a ghost here, follow where ever I go, what ever I do.... sounds insane isn't? yeah I laughing my self now, I think everybody right.... I'm crazy.......

I dunno this is funny, silly, ironic, insane or miserably.
Everyday I ask myself why ... why do I feel this way? Why can't I stop loving you? Then it dawned on me ... you put voodoo on me! Just kidding...
But I do not regret anything we've done even just in short time. The only thing I regret is you telling me you love me because since then you have given me nothing but the cold shoulders.
We never say goodbye, feels unclear and suddenly just fade away, maybe this trapped me inside and hard to get out... sometime I ask myself how people get so easy, why I'm not.... why It hard for me... Is there anyone can teach me how to forget easily?
Every single day and time, I dance with the pain and be united in it, take risk, go with the flow and be free just to be me.....
Mahal,... I know we had been chosen separate ways.... You have build a high strong wall between us, don't worry I was too weak to climb. You told me to more closer with God and give our self and all the pain.... thank u for always reminds me, maybe your faith already in high stage, maybe you ran faster than me,..... maybe I left far from u.... but I'll never give up and keep praying, even though I crawled slowly.
I had learned a lot of things. I'm too fragile, I'm weak, maybe too weak without u, I dunno how to live without u... Maybe still but now I can laughing right away, not desperate like before. I enjoy any feelings came like seasons.. bad, worst or good! Maybe I'm changing or maybe different but only u know the real me cos I never totally open and honest with anyone. and u know it.... You know much better than anyone else about me. Its true... that's why I always considered u as my soulmate, cos we were so united.

Somebody asking to me " how can I forget u if I'm here" "I just make my self suffering here...." "I'm not suppose to be here, this is not my home" and "Why i keep running to u even I know u never there" "Why I killing my self to be here" "Why I still like this, he doesn't even want you anymore". I get used to with all those questions anyway.... and what they can do if I already decided? no matter how hard they keep try to fix me or make me chose what the best in my life. They never know.. they can't change cos someone already hold the key...
I never regret this life I chose for me, no matter how hard I'll face it... I will not runaway from this anymore. So here I am now.....

We've done our best to make our relationship last longer, but things happen and we had unspoken to say goodbye. This goodbye would not mean forgetting our memories, they are too special to forget. It does not mean forgetting the things in our past that made us both better individuals. You will always have a special place in my heart. I consider myself lucky to experience a love as wonderful as yours and to be a real woman.
And I'm sure sooner or later I will definitely stop torturing my own self like this.
Everyone needs time to heal the pieces which fall apart to be whole again. So do I. Although now there is nothing more left, I'll always pray and remember this date for the rest of my life.... May God always bless a part of this memories and the bliss date which ever happened... May God give healing from any pain, provide the peace of heart to letting go and forgiveness of all the sins. Amen