Last this month, I knew there's a lot of changes in my life,....
when I fell n so down, when I lost everything I have, when my heart in pain, ....
There's nothing I can see or even can feel before. I'm totally lost when I know I can't take someone I really love back. He just let me stay with pain.....
Now I'm here, cos of God I still alive even I've to face the hardest situation in my life. There's one person really help me can pass get through, he is my best friend, but since I had relation with someone, I never think he is my best friend anymore.
I always ignored him,. fighting with him, we distance and never give he chance to talk to me. Cos he always interfere with my privacy life.
I just think he's a very selfish person who force me to love him back,.. and since he touch me, I cut off any relation with him. Before I felt really regret have a best friend like him, and trust him as my best friend for 5 years.

More worse happening is when he stolen my card and deleted all my file inside, I don't know now why right now he can here with me again. I don't know how can this happening.
I never know he always there watching me... I don't even realized he always there......I never know him cos I'm not interesting to know anything about him...

But now, why he really changed in my eyes......
What kind more illusion again? I'm freaking tired with my life but he always tried to make me back to feel my life. This time so different, he never make me discomfort.
When I feel sad, down n cry he always there to listen even I shout him, wreak my anger on him, punch or kick him.
He keep holding me when I hurt my self. Even He know I really love someone else,... he still there for me. I ask Why? Why u sacrifices ur self for me? then he said, he just so sad see me like this, he never think this is his sacrifice for me. "If u really want to know the most sacrifice just look at Your self,... Why u sacrifice ur self for him like this, he even do nothing there" when I heard he said that my tears down continuously.... I cried so hard. I know he try to wake me up, I know he tried but that time i still feel fragile.
He convinced me, that what I've seen now it's not illusion. He told me that He always there when I feel so down even I never look back, he remind me very detail all past stories happened to me until this time he always here for me. Honestly his reason really touched my heart, but my mind keep saying "Don't trust or u will get hurt again". I've been in critical stage to trust of something, even my heart can feel but my mind always refuse.
Why he still loving me? he knows I never love him. I have lots lacks.. my condition ain't same like other woman, look at me? Someone I really love also don't want me as his gf anymore,.. so what he expect from me? I have nothing.
He told me He wont expect anything, He saw enough my pain, n he just want to give my happiness back. All happens to me make he realize that Pure Love is never expecting of something but to how we give some meaning.
I always speechless when the words came from his mouth, he talking so different.
He knows I need help, and everyday he always know what I need b4 I say it.
But I know how hurt in his position now, this make me think I don't want to hurt anyone, cos I know how it feels.... I appreciate his help even true or not I still appreciated.
I know, he don't want me think hard or think about any, but I just human, I still have heart even not intact, I'm not evil or selfish. I just can't...
I also don't want anyone touch my heart, My heart still broken n fragile... I'm not ready for another pain again right now and I don't want he more loving me, it will be more hurt.... but I dunno how.. I really don't know how to find a way...
But I appreciate his help even true or not I still appreciated and God knows he really help me to passing the hard phase...

I speechless not cos I'm happy what he done to me. But why HIM?
Why Him? I never expect he said this to me, but I expect someone else could say or do something before. He always don't know what to do and everything already changed, there's nothing I can do unless follow what he want n accepted.
Even now he try... I think will more hard n I'm sure he wont sacrifice that much.
I love him so much, My love never changed, but the pieces not fit anymore, n so hard for me to put back together same like before.

Why Life so unfair, when we really love someone then we know they can't give or do anything. But when we not expecting any love from someone, they can give and do everything for us. Is like we love the ones who ignoring us and ignoring the ones who love us... What kind of life is this?
Is there a sincere love in this world?
is there any love can be fight? is there a strong love could deal with all trials? is there any love can be survive in sorrow, sickness or unhappy situation?
Cos sometime what u want isn't always u get, but in the end what u get is so much better than what u wanted. ......only God knows........