Today its 1st time I saw ur tears down continuously, I never thought you always feel my pain, my sorrow and your heart cry for what I feel, and for the 1st time in my life I saw a man cry for me, not cry for him self... But for me... for me....
This is 1st time since I'm with u, I just look at you as the real you.. My eyes have seen the person who really love me, no shadow or illusion. I can see u, feel u, yes I saw u... Ur face, Ur lips, Ur hair, Ur eyes.... U are not my past.... U are the LOVE. I feel ur love and this made my heart tremble when I saw u like this....
I've been in love with my past, so much in love but I never seen someone love me like u did to me..... U always there, even u know my door stay closed to u. U always stand there waiting the door open, for more than five years....
Ur heart always stay open for me whenever I come to u, Ur hands always reach me when u know I fell down. Ur arms always keeps hug me when I cry..... Ur time always for me... Ur mind, Ur love, and everything u have.
This time, I'm not crying for my self or my past but I also cry for u....
I've cried for Ur love to me.... U've been trying so hard to fix me... to make me feel alive like b4, bring back my dreams n everything that I lose it all. U tried so hard.... so hard..... and I just see those things with my eyes, I just see right now in front of me..... It was u.... not my past shadow, but you... I really saw u... and feel u for real...
You're not useless babe,.. U're not.....
Look at me now... I'm not crying for my past no more... I cried for u.... I feel u.....My lips, my tongue feel stiff n my heart trembling... Tonight u already hold my heart and now ur love stay inside of me..... I cant stop crying, I saw u sleep.. Ur face... u look tired.... Oh God... what plan u gave to me.... This love really touched my heart deeply, so hard to breath... Is that Ur way to heal my pain? If he really my destiny pls guide me... I really don't want to loose him, he's too important....
His love made me need him every single time n day, cos no one love me like this way. I don't wanna make a mistake... stuck in the past n cannot see the real love in front of me. I don't want let it go, I don't wanna feel regret.
I wanna feel his love everyday, every sec, n gain my love for him...

I've been tired in love for someone who never keep fight for love, I'm tired to fight alone with my self, for my past, for this pain... everyday I just feel he never there for me, he don't even know exactly what was happened with me... he just has no time to think about that... since the suicide until this day... there's nothing he can do to save me, or save the love or even just stay accompany my day. I've been so tired to stay like this..... begging him, needed him, loving him, missing him, cry for him, stuck in the past that I cannot change... I just want to let him go, n let the past stay in memory not in my heart... I just want to get outta from my past.
Help me God.... I want to start my new life without the shadows of my past.....
Pls help me.... I really want to end this..... I beg u in my prayer tonight... Please help me God....
I want to start my new life next year... I wanna build new home as new happy family. Happy couple, n feel his love purely. Just me n him..... no more past......
God,.. if YOU choose him for me, I just wanna give the pure love for him... make him happy like he always did to me, stay n love him unconditionally like the way he loves me. I could do anything for love, I will do that......
I need Love which strong for the last forever, and can fight together to keep maintain love n never let go. Struggling for love together, bless every happiness n sacrifice together. He show me how real love... he already did... I'm so bless feel his love to me... he is like the gift from God to me....

I cant wait he wake up,... I just wanna show him, this is who real I'm... I wont be the else side of my self no more, I just wanna be my real self in front of him. No more fear, I believe in him... I believe u... when u wake up, u will see me differently... U deserve to have me... I wanna love u.... n happy together with u. follow u, respect u, loving u, need u, and start my new life with u....
I wanna jump on u, n whispering u something.... u will know.....
I wanna closed my past since now on, n be with u... I wont play ur love, I just wanna stay with someone who really love me.... and It was u.....
"THERE CAN BE MIRACLE, WHEN WE BELIEVE" I never thought it was u can love me this way, I really never knows it was u.... but Now I know..... I see u, I feel u....
Now I wanna end my diary with smile, n lil tears of happiness....
Thanks God for tonight, U make my heart can feel this, U open my heart and open my eyes for something that I never seen before.
Thanks God for every trials n pain... for happiness, for tears on my face... this time u gave me special gift in my life..... pls guide us and bless us, make this love grow n strong until last forever...
Bless my past too.... guide my past to find his happiness, to find what true love is.... guide him to fulfill his dreams n future. God bless him n our past.... Amen